Pure Evil

Sainsbury: Basic Bitter (England: Bitter: 2.1% ABV)

Visual: Golden brown, clear and highly carbonated. An inch of off white bubbles.

Nose: Cooked chicken. Light malt. Peanuts.

Body: Cardboard. Water. Sweat. Chalky and fizzy. Slight nuts. Grit. Sodasteams.

Finish: Some bitterness and hop character. Cooked rubbery chicken. Granite. Sodastream.

Conclusion: OK, now quite a few fellow bloggers and beer drinkers read this blog. Could you people do me a favour please? Whenever you find a shit beer, could you call it “a bad Behan beer” please. That man keeps giving me utterly shite beers to review and I intend to drag his name to infamy as revenge.

Thank you.

So, as you may have guessed, not a good beer. Not at all.

It starts out as merely non descript and only after time does its true craptastic nature reveal itself. How bad? Take a bitter. Ok, you have a pint of bitter? Add some water. No, more than that. More still, even more. Ok, cool. Now strain some sweat in. Done? Ok, now run it through a sodastream for TWO FUCKING YEARS!

You now have this beer.

Seriously. After about an inch you realise this thin feels like an ocean of tiny bubbles run over chalk. In its defence, quite uniquely for a bad Behan beer it actually has some bitterness and hop character in the finish.

Right, that’s enough being fair. I just have this horrid need to treat beer with respect and fair judgement. However since this feels like at least 50% water and 49% enough carbonation to make a bottle rocket out of the leaning tower of Pisa, that was not much fairness I owed it.

Flavour wise it is not as vile as other beers I have had, but the gassiness is vile to a degree similar to bloody Victoria Bitter. On a bad day.  No, really that bad. Avoid.

Background: Ok, this one can’t just be a another clone of Tesco’s value lager. For one it is a bitter. For another it is a whole 0.1% stronger. This is another “gift” from Dave Behan. A man who takes pleasure in my suffering. A  satanic Beelzebub of torment. In fact he gave me a four pack of them. Bastard. Drunk while listening to the 3rd FLCL OST. I figured I would need something happy to take my mind off the beer. No, I wasn’t well dispositioned towards this beer even before drinking it, why do you ask? According to rate beer the beer is made by Carlsberg UK. I should have guessed.

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